It’s finally March, thank goodness.
These last two months have honestly been really rough on me physically, emotionally and mentally. I am ready for a change.
Its funny how in those deep, dark moments of life that you really begin to assess life and decide how you want to live… do you want to remain stuck for the rest of your life, or are you going to make a shift in your mindset to start on the path to a better life?
I’m choosing the latter, because as tough as things are right now, I’ve decided that it’s time to live life MY way.
Walking away from a marriage was tough, but so was admitting my failures & moving back in with my parents and dragging my kids along with me.
Parents are great but after a certain point, you all start to get sick of each other. Even the kids’ suffer and start to act out, no matter how hard you try.
Today I want to share how I’m going to move forward and achieve a better life. Because it’s time to stop hiding in fear & live the life I deserve!
Step 1 – ending my marriage
I know I’ve talked a lot about ending my marriage, but for me, it’s taken almost 3 years to end things. I guess I’m realizing that I was scared and didn’t want to move past something that was holding me back.
It’s so weird to be writing this, because you think that leaving a marriage behind means it’s over. But it goes way beyond that. There are emotions left unturned, kids lives’ that need tending to and co-parenting involvement. This means that you can’t just walk away & move on completely. That person is with you for life, no matter how much you try to move on or away.
I realize now that I was holding onto that and not letting go of the emotion of marriage & a life that was left behind me.
Moving to Texas was a big step, but when I moved away, I left a LOT unturned. Moving back to IL and moving in with my parents taught me to face these emotions and that part of my life.
It was hard and it totally sucks, but I’m finally at a point in my life and my personal emotional state where I’m letting go of that.
I’ve been journaling, doing daily gratitude journals, daily affirmations, meditations, listening to meditations on how to let go of your past, etc. Yet I still find myself holding onto that emotion of my past. It’s like a foot stuck in the mud, pulling it out can be tough, but once you get it out, you feel relief.
My toe is the only part stuck now and I’m almost at the finish line. This part of my life’s journey has been the most difficult, but I’m ready to move on and ready to live my life MY way.
Step 2 – working on my kids and being a better mom.
Since moving away in July 2016, it has been hard on the kids’. There has been no normal since we moved away.
Texas was great & the kids’ found great friends and we had a great set up to play outdoors, with friends and we had a good system there.
Moving back and in with my parents created a new normal, that leaves us all with an inconsistent schedule, lives and we feel like we’re living in limbo.
I miss having a community with the ability to walk to town and school and I feel so far removed from friends.
Its literally starting all over again without the sense of community. I personally feel lost and my kids’ do too especially since our daily lives are not consistent or have a regular or consistent schedule.
What we crave is a home to plant ourselves and live the rest of our school years until all three are completed with high school. The ability to live in a community, have a school that welcomes us with loving arms and a town that we can easily access and spend time in, especially during the summer months.
Finding a home of my very own is one of the most important things I am striving for at this very moment. While I’m so grateful for my parents and the roof they provided for myself and the kids’ all I really want is to plant myself and the kids in a home that we can call our very own. A home we can create our own schedule, our own normal and our own life as a family of 4.
June 1, 2019 is the ultimate goal of buying my first home. I don’t know HOW it’s going to happen, but that’s ok. I BELIEVE that my house is out there and ready for me to purchase in June. I’ve also decided that the Universe is going to pick our home and when it’s ready for me, everything will work itself out.
The last part to my equation is that I am going to stop focusing so hard on growing myself online and on social media.
Step 3 – focus on growing Skin Deep.
Skin Deep is my baby that I started in the basement of my Elmhurst home in April 2010, when I had 1 baby and scheduled my work around his schedule so I could continue to be a stay-at-home mom, but still do what made my soul happy.
When you do what you love, you never work a day in your life.
That’s what Skin Deep is to me. Its my treat, my happy place, a space where I can truly help others and feed my soul.
The best part about my work is that every single day I get to be in my treatment room, I’m helping people and I’m changing someone’s life with my bare hands.
Moving back & re-launching Skin Deep in June 2017 really taught me what I want to do for others and how I am put on this earth to help people achieve healthy skin by educating them the right way.
My ultimate goal with Skin Deep is to empower as many women as possible, because every single person in this world is meant to have clear, beautiful skin.
Listening to the wrong people or so-called experts are not going to help you achieve skin that you love every day.
I was trying so hard to over spread my wings and go social on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter, but I ended up exhausting myself.
I will eventually get back to helping others online, but for now, I’m going to focus on the clients I see on a daily basis and work to grow my network in my own circle.
What ended up happening to me is I burnt myself out and lost sight of my business that is right under my feet growing & thriving. I lost sight of my kids and my family life and I was pushing through an emotionally tough time to get through this divorce only to find that I’m still in the exact same spot I was almost 2 years ago when I moved back to Illinois.
Something has to change and that something is me.
Here’s to focusing on what is really important!
P.S. To book a facial or schedule an appointment with Samantha, please visit my website.