I just want to start out by thanking everyone who has been so supportive of me and this crazy, incredible, life-long journey that has brought me all the pain, suffering, love, hope, heart break, passion, excitement and fear.
Before I get into why I did what I did, (because I know so many of you are questioning me and my actions or lack of actions that brought me to today & this post), I have to start by saying that we all have something in our lives that we are put on this earth to do.
Some of us are meant for greatness & others are meant to live life simply and just be your absolute best self. To not be bombarded by life’s should’s & have to’s and business that we all have grown to know and somehow became addicted to.
How many of you greet someone by asking “How are you?” only to hear the ever-famous response, “Busy!”
Why is this ok?
Who ever said that busy is a good thing?
Why do we fall into that pattern of keeping up with the Joneses? Who the hell are the Joneses anyways?
I honestly don’t give a shit about the Joneses, I care about myself, my kids, parents, sisters/spouses & extended family.
You know what else don’t give a shit about?
I’m tired of listening to everyone rave about their perfect lives, kids, marriages, homes, jobs, etc.
Let’s be real…who has a perfect life?
I certainly don’t!
My new personal catchphrase is “I’m perfectly imperfect” and I like this!
I am full of struggles and pain, fear, anger, hurt. Yet at the same time, full of love, hope, joy, passion and this ever nagging part of me to do something amazing.
Imperfection is knocked down by the masses – why?
We are all imperfect and we all have struggles, so why put on a happy face & pretend like life is great?
Do you care about your neighbors perfect life?
What is it that YOU are struggling with or missing in your life that is creating that feeling inside you?
Let’s go back a few years and I’ll share with you my struggles…
There I was, 3 little kids (2 under 2 at one point), trying to build a business in the basement of my home, a wife, homemaker, friend, sister & daughter.
People warn you that marriage & parenting is tough and not for the faint of heart.
But until you’re actually in the trenches and actually feeling those feelings, you don’t ever truly understand what they’re saying. No amount of warning could have ever prepared me for this time in my life.
To top it all off, I was living a life that wasn’t me!
I was trying to put on that happy face, make friends, be the involved school mom, build a part time business, write a book, cook healthy meals, make smart choices for my family, run to this store & that, book this birthday party, make this & that. I could go on and on.
But you moms out there know what I’m talking about.
It’s never ending!
It’s exhausting and at the end of the day, most moms feel like they have no purpose to their life. They just devoted an entire day to everyone around them and spend maybe 5 or 10 minutes (if you’re lucky) to take a shower and even then, aren’t the kids always in & out of the bathroom begging for your undivided attention?
No wonder moms are so miserable and catty!
I was that mom who felt like all I did was serve everyone else around me, my family and live up to everyone’s expectations of me.
And I was SOOO miserable that I was desperate for change.
Well change I did!
An opportunity to pack up & move to Austin presented itself. And I went running towards it full force.
I did it for myself, yes, but also my kids because I was tired of being stuck in my life and being in a place that wasn’t serving me or them very well.
I gave up all securities and all ways of life to make this life-changing move.
It was a HUGE sacrifice because this move also made me walk away from my marriage too.
Here’s what I realized as the kids and I were driving down to Texas in my minivan, towing behind a few important items: toys, kids stuff, mattresses and the basics to get us moved into a house…
We were fine living without a ton of furniture, necessities and stuff while we were in Texas. My house had mattresses on the floor, bins full of clothes instead of dressers, a crappy old couch, TV, legos, toys and a desk.
I created a space in my room to sit on the floor with pillows, blankets and a cart for all my work-related stuff. We survived that way for a year.
No one complained or stressed about not having enough stuff.
What do we need all that stuff for anyways?
Does anyone even care?
What I learned is that I can accomplish anything. Do anything and be anything. Failure or not, Texas was a blessing, a curse, a learning experience and nothing I expected it to be.
I expected to stay there & permanently live the rest of my life there with the kids. But life doesn’t always turn out the way we expect it to.
How many of us actually are living a life we thought we would be?
I’m certainly not!
I’m 38 years old, living with my parents & 3 kids, in the middle of a divorce, and some weeks, struggling to make ends meet.
I NEVER expected to move back home or be back with my parents.
But life throws us curveballs and we are expected to either suffer through it or make positive changes to create abundance and design a life we truly want and deserve.
Even though on paper that sounds horrible, when I look at my life in perspective, I am happy with the life I’m living.
I’m happy with the person I’m becoming, the mother I’m striving to be – even though I still get frustrated, angry and yell at the kids, I’m aware that there are changes to be made and working through those struggles.
I’m mean, let’s be completely honest, who doesn’t get frustrated or mad at your kids? Who feels like a mom-failure daily?
Why do we try to play that perfect-mom role?
Who even cares?
I don’t. I am completely honest in my struggles and don’t even try to play the perfect mom or pretend like I have perfect kids, because we are all perfectly imperfect in every single way!
We are ourselves and individuals and no one is alike.
How boring would it be if we were ALL alike?
I certainly don’t want to be like everyone else!!!
I’m happy being me and living through my struggles, pain, happiness, joy, passion and fears, worries and frustrations.
It’s who I am and who I’m becoming that is more important that all that bullshit we have to live up to.
I walked away from a life I “should have stuck with” just to please the world and guess what, it’s just not my life’s path.
Hate me or love me all you want, but it’s my life and I choose to live it my way!
I work hard, play hard, journal a LOT, soul search, mother, parent, love, hate, feel feelings that I don’t want to, but recognize them & acknowledge them – I’m trying never to push my feelings away, push them aside, because they will always come back up or show up in other aspects of my life.
I’m learning to feel the pain, the anger, the sadness, the hurt. We are humans and are meant to feel.
Who ever decided that we always need to push our negative feelings aside?
Who ever decided that we need to walk around acting fake to show off to the world?
That’s total Bullshit – yep I said it again, because we will never show our true or authentic selves if we hide our feelings or pretend like life is great.
No one has a perfect life and no one is ever 100% happy.
We just have to work with what we have every single day & do the best we can.
Feel our pain, acknowledge it and then tell it, it’s ok to feel these feelings and you can now leave me and come back another day when it’s time to protect me again.
I know that true happiness comes from being our true selves and feeling all emotions and not hiding who we are.
Now that I’ve been ranting & raving forever, do you want to know my secrets?
For starters, go buy yourself a journal.
Set the timer for 10 minutes either first thing in the morning (get up an extra 10-15 min early) or do this right before you go to bed.
Either way is fine, whatever works best for you & your schedule is what will keep you consistent!
How to journal
Just start writing, anything that comes to mind. If you’re happy, write about that. If you’ve had a bad day or just need to vent, write it all down.
Aim for 10 minutes a day and you are golden! If you go over, great, if not don’t worry about it.
Some days I have so much to say & fill up pages & other days, I can barely get a page written.
There’s no right or wrong way to do this. It’s cool to go back & re-read your thoughts & see what comes up for you.
Maybe there’s a pattern in your life and you need to focus on that.
Maybe there’s something from your past that you need to do some soul searching on and really get to the bottom of.
Everyone’s different and so unique in this. It’s fun to watch how your life unfolds.
I’ve been journaling for the past 4 years and I know when I slack because all that stuff starts to come up for me and I start to feel off or my life just starts spiraling out of control again.
My wish for you is that your life begins to unfold in the most beautiful way and that all your dreams, wishes and heart’s desires become your reality!