I’m officially two days into my next decade and I still feel the same way. Shocking right?
My grandma Dotty always said that “age is a number, you’re only as old as you feel.” She was right! I don’t feel “old” like everyone makes you believe. I feel really good and I know that over the next 10 years my life is going to make amazing changes for the better.
Earlier this month, I received a new journal (shock) and it had me write down my goals for the next year, 3 years, 10 years and lifetime.
I’m grateful for that journal because I sat looking at 10 years with a blank stare for 2-days! But then I thought to myself, “where do I want to be at 50?”
That was freeing & inspiring because I now thought to myself, “How can I make changes TODAY to be exactly where I want to be at 1 year, 3 years or 10 years?”
Just because today feels like yesterday & the day before & the day before doesn’t mean it always has to. Today is a brand new day and today is the day anyone can get up, dust off the crap & push their feet through the icy, cold snow.
Turning 40 is no different. I am now thinking, it’s a brand new decade, it’s time to turn my life around and stop sitting in the BS of my 30’s. They’re gone, over, done (thank goodness). I’m ready for a new phase & decade.
As wonderful as my 30’s were, I’m grateful for my 40’s to start. It IS just a number and I feel like I did 10 or 15 years ago. I’m just a lot smarter & much more mature. Plus I’m a mom and have 3 young kids to inspire and help guide to live their own great lives.
I’ve done a lot of soul-searching these past few days, not in a bad way. But I’m at that point in my life where I’m ready for the positive changes to happen.
The past two years have been full of changes, both positive and negative. It’s definitely been a struggle and a challenge each and everyday, but I get up, put on my boots and some days those baby steps only get me so far and other days, my boots get me to the finish line.
Either way, it doesn’t matter because I put my boots on!
I got up, gave it a shot and kept on moving. I’m not letting life push me down. Well some days I am, but I’m also human and am allowed to have those days. The next day, I get up & pick up where I left off.
I have to be completely honest, winter is so tough and most days all I want to do is pull that cover over my head when my alarm rings at 5am, but then that nagging voice in my head tells me to get up & inspire people…”Be the voice.” “Be your best.” “Do what you believe in.” “Keep on going.” “Never give up.” “Dream BIG.”
You’re reading this today because I got up & pushed through that nagging feeling of staying in bed. I could have just said, “forget it! I’m sleeping in.” But I didn’t because this was building up inside of me, forcing itself out.
Some of you love me for this and others don’t. At 40, I really don’t care. I only care about the people that support me, love me and want to see me succeed because those are the ONLY people that matter to me.
That’s the other really cool thing I’ve figured out! The whole friend thing. My whole life I was the kid who got picked on and really only had a few friends growing up. It wasn’t until high school that I found a great group of friends who I adored & loved hanging out with.
At the time, I used to value life as the amount of friends you have; how silly is that?
Now that I’m older, I realize that it’s not the quantity of friendships, it’s the quality. I’m also in that phase of life where I’m rebuilding my life and finding new friendships.
Getting divorced & moving away from Elmhurst was tough, more because I lost that connection to women. I lost that sense of belonging and I lost that knowing & feeling like we always had something to do or someone to hang out with or somewhere to go.
Moving away & finding my own way, I lost all of that and I feel like the new girl walking into high school & navigating through all the girl groups trying to find my tribe.
I have my few core friends, but I’m missing something. I know that my new BFF is out there and she’s also looking for me. I’ve struggled with friendships my whole life and now I’ve decided that instead of forcing this, I’m going to live my life and allow the right friends into my life.
I’m only looking for quality friends. Friends who will support me, love me, laugh at and with me no matter what silly or stupid things I do with my life.
I know this will happen soon, because I’m still living in my parents’ house and still not exactly sure where the kids and I will end up.
Honestly, it’s so hard to navigate through life not knowing where I’ll end up or where my life is heading exactly. I know Skin Deep is growing & thriving and will always be my other baby. That is certain and I know that this year I will find the right esthetician to work for me so I can step back & grow my online business and grow my personal brand.
Business aside, my biggest goal for 2019 is to buy my first house this spring! May is my goal and I’m feeling hopeful.
Living with my parents has been wonderful and I’m so grateful for their generosity, love & support throughout this whole transition period. They are my biggest cheerleaders, supporters and want to see me succeed. It truly is a blessing to have parents who believe in me and know that I can do anything I set my mind to. They taught me strong work ethics, beliefs and drive.
Watching them work hard my whole life has been an inspiration. They still work hard and I know that when they do retire this year, they will finally be able to take a step back and enjoy their life.
As I’m writing this, the Dave Matthews Band song just popped in my head: “Where are you going?” I’ve learned that in order to head in the direction you want your life to take you, you have to KNOW exactly where you’re heading.
As I start my 40’s I know that I want to find my independence, move out of my parents house and buy my first house all by myself. I want to finalize my divorce and close that door that’s been lingering for over 2 years. Lastly, I want to get control of my kid’s behaviors, learn how to inspire them, help them and guide them so they can become amazing people as they navigate through their own lives and find their own paths.
Those 3 things are exactly what I plan to accomplish between now & age 41. And I WILL…
XO
Samantha
P.S. Thank you for reading! Please comment in the comment section below if you have any questions for me!
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